How to loose X-large smurfs (and friends in the making …)

You may think it a difficult feat to misplace an X-large blue smurf, but somehow I managed to do just this.

Actually it was half a blue smurf, who was last seen at the army sports hall during a game of floor ball.

Unfortunately he has no distinguishing features, resembling every other smurf on base at Santahamina.

The smurf in question is not a cartoon character but part of our tracksuit uniform worn for sports and exercise,  nicknamed ‘smurffipuku’ – smurf suit.

I left the top half of mine safely tucked behind a heater with my hat and runners during a game of indoor hockey played with big ping pong balls.

At some point during the match the smurf disappeared along with my hat. Strangely the shoes remained.

In a panic I searched the surrounds and located another hat, much larger than my own, but my smurf was gone.

And so the saga began.

In the army going AWOL, falling asleep on guard duty, and loosing military equipment, blue smurfs included, is considered a serious crime.

Drinking alcohol on a bus in uniform is another act punishable through weeks of shoveling dirt, which happened to one of the girls in my room.

That’s another story.

Anyway as protocol goes I informed my superior immediately and an announcement about the missing smurf to my platoon was made.

Everyone was to check their bags and lockers for the missing smurf, and if it couldn’t be found a full military equipment check would take place.

This painful task involves taking 200kg+ worth of equipment from our lockers to the gravel forecourt outside and marking each piece off.

If anything is missing, even underpants and socks, we are given several hours to find them or risk another equipment check.

The first time we went through this process was on the Friday afternoon of our one-day camp, just as we were about to go home for the weekend.

The task was so tedious the point was made – do not loose a thing.

So you can imagine the reactions I copped from my fellow soldiers when news of my missing smurf travelled.

Several days later my smurf had still not shown up and the equipment check was ordered.

I hadn’t a friend in the world as we heaved all our equipment up two flights of stairs to undertake an indoor check given the gravel forecourt had turned into a small lake following days of pouring rain.

Sadly my smurf had not been hiding in anyone else’s locker, the equipment check proved that he was long gone.

As a result a missing person’s file was needed, including time and location of disappearance, first notified superior etc.

I was given an example of the form that needed to be filled out in English.

And couldn’t believe it when I realized the form had been filled in by one Matthew Stephen Dunkerley.

Guess some things do run in the family.

Sgt. (the other Dunkerley) Sana

Our belongings hit the ground in one big big pile for the counting.

The military smurf in action. (Model not Sgt. Sana)