Fitness (Finland-style)

White people can’t jump, Finnish people can’t swim.

They float and splash their arms about in a doggy paddle style that ineffectively takes them from one end of the pool to the other but it’s not swimming.

I witnessed this strange action during one of many fitness assessments a soldier must undertake when he/she starts training.

Lined-up and modeling our electric blue issued swimwear, suitable attire for the Sydney Mardis Gras, we were instructed to swim 200m including 50 on our backs.

Hardly an onerous task I thought, as I sought permission from the lieutenant to wear my own goggles.

‘So long as they didn’t feature a snorkel’ he (reportedly) replied, much to everyone’s amusement as I stood wondering why no one else had thier aquatic eyewear on hand.

I soon realised that goggles are a rather useless piece of equipment if you have no intention of putting your head under water.

I felt like an Olympic athlete gliding from one end of the pool to the other, weaving my way around my human obstacles.

But it’s only a matter of time )probably four months) before the tables are turned and everyone gets to see my ability on a pair of skis!

And my performance in the pool only just made up for my less than impressive run 2050m run on the Cooper Test.

An average outcome according to Kenneth Cooper, the scientist who designed the test in the 60s for the US military.

In pairs we were told to tally the number of laps around the 400m track our partner managed in 12 minutes.

Agent Cooper from Twin Peaks was inspiring me as I jogged around the track.

The TV channel soon flicked to an episode of Where’s Wally as I watched 40 shaved head Finns in the same attire make their way around the track.

Needless to say I momentarily I lost my man, and to his disadvantage misjudged his run.

Thankfully my slip up was picked up in good time, and scored a ‘very good’ 2.8km.

A result I will be aiming for next time Agent Cooper and I meet, which I’m informed will be in the near future.

Sgt. (slightly sporty) Sana